There is no photo trickery here. And I haven't shrunk during
trans-continental flight. No, that is the size of a regular
onion in an American supermarket.
Oh, and here's a little lunchtime sandwich for you.
Safeway here sells the nuclear farm version of the food you
love - everything is jumbo sized and in hyperreal colours. I
did some shopping yesterday and needed a fork-lift truck and
sunglasses to get home with a jurassic chicken, two bell-peppers
and a carrot. They also sell 'seedless watermelons' the size
of Mr.Fussy . Well I'm not fussed to buy one - I say the fun
of the watermelon lies squarely in the pip.
Anyway, I was a bit concerned about returning to London for Crimbo,
having been copied on this email from a bloke who's moved from
here to there (and who clearly writes in copy. all. the. time):
here in europe, things are different.
the job of a waiter is to make you wait.
phone numbers are like math equations.
casting agents think mullets are cool.
gum is waxy.
i miss you already. all of you.
if you are thinking about leaving, here's my advice:
don't. stay where you are. it is good there.
i'll be back in san francisco in a few years.
until then, keep in touch.
hugs
al
I won't get into haircuts on this side of the pond again, suffice to say
I'll be flying home whenever the barnet needs seeing to. It's a
question of sanity, not vanity.
Anyway, my return to London was splendid. It was good to feel the
cold, the energy of a big city, the firm meatiness of a Pork Pie. So
I disagree with Al.
The only thing that I did change my mind about was the quality of
American v British telly. American telly is abysmal - I mean, there's
good shows - but the whole package is crude, annoying, poorly
constructed and jam packed with ads made by wankers like me.
British telly, on the other hand, is meant to be intelligent and
professional - with the BBC leading the charge.
Except it isn't. Over Christmas and the New Year there was NOTHING
to watch and the BBC was the worst culprit. While BBC ONE and BBC
TWO dished up festive treats like The Two Ronnies and Birds Of A
Feather, BBC THREE decided to show Little Britain. Just Little Britain.
For three days solid.
Now, I admit that I loathe Little Britain - not because it's misogynistic
and sneering - but because it's super-simple comedy with catchphrases
for fuck-tards to shout on buses (in San Francisco now, too). Also,
David Walliams brings me out in hives, whether he's wearing a dress or not.
But even if I loved it, do I really want EIGHTEEN EPISODES on the bounce? -
that's worse than owning the DVD.
I (don't) want that one.
(Incidentally, my telly here is SO HUGE that I watch it all the time. It's not
actually connected to any channels or anything - and the DVD player doesn't
work - but it's so BIG and SHINY that it draws my eye. Look, I can see myself
typing in the reflection right now....)
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