Man In A Panic

Sounding Weird, Looking Weird, Writing Weird

So, as you can see, I'm only the STAR of some Hewlett Packard printer commercials.  Ignoring the fact that they've called me Brian and scrawled the word 'small' between my legs on the 'group shot', I'm sure you'll feel an instant and irrepressable urge to upgrade your printer.

I've also been trying to do a few voice-overs here in 'Frisco because us Brits are in hot demand - and it seems that every San Franciscan who's seen Woody Allen's (risible) Match Point has come over all hoity-toity.  So, reaching for the stars once again, I tried out as the new voice of Kellogg's All-Bran. 

Stuck in a sound booth and struggling to find my character's motivation, I was told to read the script "like a Big Friendly Bear".  Helpful advice as, obviously, my real quandry at that moment was deciding where in the Animal Kingdom to find vocal inspiration.   

That said, my guess is that if you (UK readers) all did a 'Big Friendly Bear' voice right now, they'd be remarkably consistent.  Why?  Well not all brain flotsam is pointless song lyrics...no, there's also several billion little grey cells faithfully storing the voices of Johnny Morris' 'Animal Magic'.  I lived in Kenya for a while and, thanks to Johnny, never met a giraffe who wasn't posh.  Sadly, there was no space left between my ears to remember Swahili though...

Anyway, I didn't get the job.  I was rubbish.  I instinctively fell into Victor Kyam 'voiceover mode' (yet another wasteful bit of cultural memory) and it was embarassing to listen back to.

It's amazing how many ads do still sound so contrived though.  And how so much ad copy is still so ad-copy-esque.  All short sentences.  Power words.  And meaningless constructs. Be Yourself. Right?

The marketing industry bleats on and on about 'authenticity' but still forgets to sound human most of the time.

Do you see what I did there?  I wrote a load of old bollocks and then tried to segue into a meaningful thought about my working life.  I'm going to try that more often - just in case people at work are reading this...

Here's an in-joke for you agency dorks, courtesy of Goodby.  Download 01_RC_LADY_FIN_1_2.mp3

Less Magic Numbers

Less magic are the numbers I have to deal with at work.  American clients just love to quantify their advertising.  I'm not sure any of it really makes sense but, now that I'm up and running, I've decided to avoid brand and planning issues on this blog.  Suffice to say that, above, you can see the notes I made in today's 3 hour 'Brand Metrics' Presentation.

One thing though - the 'can do' attitude at Goodby Silverstein is unlike anywhere I've ever worked before.  Two examples:

1.  Yesterday, we pitched for a Big New Client.  And as our 'crack team' skipped off to the meeting, the entire agency gathered on the pavement and cheered them off, the Rocky theme tune stopping traffic..

2.  To deliver a 'big idea' to a client a mile across the city, the agency formed a human chain from our door to theirs...(will put link up later)

As cheesy as a Jumbo Wotsit Fondue, yes...and terribly un-British...but it makes a change not to be understated and ironic. 

Just sometimes, of course.

Repeat After Me...

I'm not just in advertising, I AM advertising.

Download hitachivoice.m4a

I've got my hand in your head and I'm messing with your mind, dude.

Hiiii-taaaaa-chhh-iiiiiii!

Marmite Mafia

IMGP3902.JPG
Originally uploaded by jonnyeye.

Today, when visiting an American Safeway for the first time, I had an epiphany.  No, NOT a Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi...but a sudden realisation of meaning.

Consumer brands really ARE quite important - ouch -  in that they help you navigate endless choices.  Believe me, the UK actually has very few brands in common with California - Kraft, Kelloggs, Dominoes...but even then the products and packaging are different. 

I was hopelessly lost in Safeway and pursued the strategy of buying the most expensive option in every case...expensive salt, expensive olive oil, expensive jam, expensive pizza....and I still didn't feel like I had stuff I'd enjoy in my basket.

Incidentally, Americans must be differently culturally conditioned when it comes to 'clean smells'.  Where in the UK, 'clean' tends to translate as lemons, pine or 'sea breeze', all the cleaning products here - shampoos,  kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff - reek of ammonia and old people's homes. 

You might be thinking that, as an advertising professional, I'd know all this stuff.  Well of course I do....but like most people, I hate to admit that my mind is being manipulated by....er....people like me.

Coincidentally, I then stumbled across a specialist British grocers at the dodgy end of California Street.  Imagine huge installations of Baked Beans, Tetley's Tea Bags, McVities Biscuits and Wham Bars.  The shopkeeper (for we are a nation of them) was a strange and unhappy fellow, originally from Lancashire.  He's been in the States for 4 years, fighting for Rowntree's Jelly like a wounded animal.  "These people are crazy" he told me "Have you tasted their macaroni cheese?" 

Personally, I'm not sure the best way to enjoy a foreign country is to barricade yourself behind a wall of Bird's Custard tins.  I grabbed a Mars Bar and got the hell outta there, bro.