IT'S WORLD CUP SOCCERBALL!

Just back from England's thrill-an-hour opener against Paraguay - a brutal 6am kick off here on the West Coast.

I watched it at 'Frisco's finest English boozer - The Mad Dog In The Fog - with the usual Dad's Army of bellied, pasty Brits.  I love watching footy in pubs - but mostly in nice, West London Gastro pubs where less people have spiders tattooed on their faces and I can get a lollo rosso tuna salad at half time.  This was much more Bethnal Green than Notting Hill.  Two excitable Paraguayan fans left earlier than I think they'd planned....

America is the only country in the world where football is an aspirational, middle-class hobby.  For the rest of the world, it's popularity is driven by the working classes.  And so the blend of frat boys and tasty English thugs queuing at 5am to watch the Mighty Lions seemed peculiar.

The odd atmosphere prevailed inside- not helped by the truly comical American ABC commentary team (and stats and graphics covering half the screen, most of the time)

"That's a remarkable power-play by the England captain, Michael Beckham....who is married to a pop star called Posh Spice....and woah is he a spicy player!"
"And so His Majesty The Prince William of the UK is here...and he met England strike ace Peter Crouch last night....who said the future king was a nice geezer..... ...geezer?....whatever that means"
"Stephen Gerraaaaaaard, playing between offence and defence"
"Germany on the attack again...I mean, England....erm..."

One of them had clearly decided to base his entire commentary on his awareness of the film 'Bend It Like Beckham'.  Every single time 'Michael' touched the ball, we were told how he'd skillfully bent it, or curved it or banana-ed it.....even a two yard pass was a 'short bender', Ashley Cole notwithstanding.

You would have thought that somewhere in America, they could have found someone who knew something about the beautiful game. And of course, without Motty and Hanson, I didn't have a clue what to think.  We won, but it looked shit to me.

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[Sonia Belle]

Sport. I will never understand it.