So, as you can see, I'm only the STAR of some Hewlett Packard printer commercials. Ignoring the fact that they've called me Brian and scrawled the word 'small' between my legs on the 'group shot', I'm sure you'll feel an instant and irrepressable urge to upgrade your printer.
I've also been trying to do a few voice-overs here in 'Frisco because us Brits are in hot demand - and it seems that every San Franciscan who's seen Woody Allen's (risible) Match Point has come over all hoity-toity. So, reaching for the stars once again, I tried out as the new voice of Kellogg's All-Bran.
Stuck in a sound booth and struggling to find my character's motivation, I was told to read the script "like a Big Friendly Bear". Helpful advice as, obviously, my real quandry at that moment was deciding where in the Animal Kingdom to find vocal inspiration.
That said, my guess is that if you (UK readers) all did a 'Big Friendly Bear' voice right now, they'd be remarkably consistent. Why? Well not all brain flotsam is pointless song lyrics...no, there's also several billion little grey cells faithfully storing the voices of Johnny Morris' 'Animal Magic'. I lived in Kenya for a while and, thanks to Johnny, never met a giraffe who wasn't posh. Sadly, there was no space left between my ears to remember Swahili though...
Anyway, I didn't get the job. I was rubbish. I instinctively fell into Victor Kyam 'voiceover mode' (yet another wasteful bit of cultural memory) and it was embarassing to listen back to.
It's amazing how many ads do still sound so contrived though. And how so much ad copy is still so ad-copy-esque. All short sentences. Power words. And meaningless constructs. Be Yourself. Right?
The marketing industry bleats on and on about 'authenticity' but still forgets to sound human most of the time.
Do you see what I did there? I wrote a load of old bollocks and then tried to segue into a meaningful thought about my working life. I'm going to try that more often - just in case people at work are reading this...
Here's an in-joke for you agency dorks, courtesy of Goodby. Download 01_RC_LADY_FIN_1_2.mp3
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