So the plan was to write a long, gently amusing blog about 'The Weekend I Moved Apartment'. To catalogue the pain, anguish and frustration of a 2.7 mile journey which the Google uber-lords tell me should take six minutes.
But you know what?! I can already look back and smile. Yes, brethren, maybe Xmas in Blighty has alkalinized my bile, but it all feels like a dream. Not a very nice dream, but not one where I'll wake up screaming 'WHERE'S MUMMY? WHERE'S MUMMY?' either.
That said, it was a frickin' nightmare at the time and I need to capture the bare bones for posterity:
- I needed a strong man with a van to help collect a sofa bed, a leather chair, bookcases and a television from various parts of the city.
- I found Adam on Craigslist. He was cheaper than the rest.
- His van wasn't as big as I'd hoped.
- He wasn't as big as I'd hoped.
- He was a midget.
- The telly weighs an eye-watering 250lbs.
- The World Record for Midget Weightlifting is a bladder-busting 200lbs.
- Steep concrete steps. Lots. Up and down.
- Lost keys.
- Biblical, torrential, relentless, ridiculous rain.
That was Saturday. Sunday = Ikea. Solo. On the busiest day of the year.
On the plus side, I salvaged a table and chairs from a skip and it only took the best part of two weeks to assemble my Ikea goodies. I just wish I knew how structurally important these leftovers bit are....hmmmm....
If I was Ikea, I'd build the whole 'mission impossible' element of shopping there into the brand experience. I mean, it IS hell from start to finish....but perversely enjoyable....like camping in the cold or something.
Anyway, the dark days of moving are over and the flat is all brightness and light. I shall enjoy living here, even if I have to steer clear of the neighbour, Mr.K. Bummer.
So, three months in and open for sofa-bed business, if anyone's heading this way.
And please spare a thought for my friend Annie, who's house burnt down on New Year's Eve. After all, she'll have to go to Ikea sometime soon. In the left hand column, you'll find the 'Anniethon' tip jar - if we can get a pound together, she can buy a nice new cardboard box.
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