Desert Island Discs

I've been listening to a lot of Internet radio here (mostly because the telly is unbearable) and recently caught Radio 4's long-lingering 'Desert Island Discs'.

It's so dated, it's absurd.  It lingers like a living coma, one of those programmes whose very longevity ensures it's longevity. 

Aside from the long dead conceit of choosing '8 favourite records' ('favourite 30 gigabytes' would be more appropriate and even then you'd get bored immediately in this Ipod-music-murdering-age), I simply don't believe the guest's music choices are honest.

Try it yourself right now.  Your 8 favourite records ever.  For a millisecond, you picture yourself twirling by a palm tree to Modjo's 'Lady' before your brain over-rides your loins.....first the classics...The Beatles, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Johnny Cash....then something to make you look clever.....Rachmaninov, Roxy Music, Miles Davis...throw in something to reprise your teenage years....The Stone Roses or Primal Scream.....a Cold2 or Uplay anthem to remember ex-girlfriends by....some non-Bob Marley reggae to seem more worldly than you are..... and you're done. 

BULLSHIT!  My Ipod tells me that my current favourite track is a remix of Le Tigre's 'Deceptacon', but I wouldn't want my future spawn imagining Gramps krumping, saucer-eyed and squealing 'I wanna disco, you wanna see me diiiiiiiissscccccooooooo'.

Even more unlikely are the book choices at the end.  Yeah, like FECK you want the complete works of Dickens.  You’ll be wanting a bumper book of jokes while your head fries and you scrabble around eating bugs for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I've got a better idea than Desert Island Discs.  It's called Desert Island DJ Twat.  Here's the set-up:

You're stranded on a desert island, thirsting for music.  Miraculously you meet DJ Man Friday, a native islander and the unlikely owner of some decks and a big box of 12"s.  'Thank the Lord!' you exclaim 'Some tunes to lift my sandy spirits!'.....but he then proceeds to play the 8 records that irritate you more than anything in the world....that have you whittling coconut shells into weapons with which to slice off your ears...that make you crave the whine of a million malaria-ridden mosquitos...

Namely:

1.  Movin On Up - M People
2.  Size Of A Cow - Wonderstuff
3.  Loveshack - The B-52s
4.  Living The Viva Loca - Ricky Martin
5.  Dancing In The Moonlight - Toploader
6.  If You Tolerate This - Manic Street Preachers
7.  Sex Machine - James Brown
8.  Fun Lovin Criminals - The Fun Lovin Criminals

Damn, there's a whole tsunami of musical misery - but the RULE is that it has to be stuff that DJ Man Friday would assume you'd like....so no novelty records, or Simon Cowell atrocities, or Dido, or Jamie Cullum or monstrously embarassing AudioBully 'remixes' of Nancy Sinatra.

Yes folks, this is an INTERACTIVE section of the blog!  What would DJ Man Friday kill your soul with?

Comments

[Bethez]

Desert Island Indie Disco From Hell!

1) Size of a cow
2) Kill your television
3) Jump around
4) Unbelievable
5) Right here right now

[jon]

bethez - you clearly hate your youth. too much cider and jesus jones...

for my part:

1. beautiful - james blunt
2. elevation - u2
3. i predict a riot - kaiser chiefs
4. american idiot - green day
5. have a nice day - stereophonics
6. go crazy - eminem
7. space cowboy - jamiroquai
8. let me entertain you - robbie williams
9. shiny happy people - rem
10. country house - blur

[Pook]

A couple from me:
Absolutely anything by the Futureheads, given that they're utter, utter shit.

Absolutely anything by Robbie Williams, the c*nt.

Apart from that, I'm pretty easy going...

[jonnyeye]

and with that, we've GONE INTERACTIVE!

I originally had 'Country House' in my list...but JB broke the rules by picking ten...

'Right here, right now' is popular right here, right now and it grates like a cheese grater....especially the strings bit...grrrr.

[Sandra]

'Do you believe in life after love' Cher

[jon b]

pooks - the futureheads rock. uh-oo-oo. uh-oo-oo. the hounds of lurve etc